“The worst things in history have happened when people stop thinking for themselves, especially when they allow themselves to be influenced by negative people. That’s what gives rise to dictators. Avoid that at all costs. Stop it first on a personal level, and you will have contributed to world sanity as well as your own.”
-Donald Trump

Why does it seem like every time you try to accomplish something there is always someone there who is waiting to try to stop you?  The reason is because there is always someone there.  Dream Killers are people who wait for an opportunity to squash any attempts you make at success.  Those unfortunate individuals who have been blinded by their own failures take joy in leveling what you aspire to achieve. 

The truth is there are more Dream Killers in the world than there are dream doers.  Just take a look around.  The people who have truly succeeded in life have a tendency to believe in a dream or goal they have.  They strive regardless of what other people think of their dream.  And with that determination and grit, they accomplish while most people watch.  Highly successful people are a minority.  If you are determined to be one of them, you will encounter those who will try to stop you.  And you must know how to deal with them.

Whether you are trying to do the impossible or just something that is impossible to you, Dream Killers must not have the negative influence on you that they are accustom to delivering.

“You wouldn't worry so much about what other people thought if you realized how seldom they do.”

- Eleanor Roosevelt

How to spot them

The obvious place to look for Dream Killers is the other side of the line of friendship.  If you are looking to advance in your career, and there is someone that is not a friend to you, of course they will do what it takes to stop you from achieving.  But what about those who you are not at war with? What about your friends, family, and classmates?  Most people who try to deter your dreams and hopes are usually not trying to hurt you.  If fact they often think that they have your best interest.  Some often feel that since they would never take on the challenge that you want to conquer, that it is best that you don’t take on that challenge either.

There are very easy and subtle ways to catch a Dream Killer in the act of vision genocide.  When people who administer negative and discouraging thoughts consistently, it becomes a habit.  If you are not careful, their way of thinking may become your way of thinking.  And can possibly make you the killer of your own dreams.

Dream killers feel that they are never in control of their circumstance.  They believe that the reason they have not gotten what they wanted in life is because of every other reason except what they are responsible for.  They live for making excuses why they do not take on challenges and risk.  A few common excuses that the murderers of dreams make for themselves involve:

-How they were treated by other people

-How their past determines who they are

-How there isn’t enough time

-How bad they have it at their job or how bad the economy is

-How hard it would be to attempt to do better

These excuses are transparent and do not hold any true weight.  They are usually just excuses made to mask fear, doubt, a lack of self-confidence and many other personal issues.

An easy way to spot someone who will likely inhibit your goals is to mention what it is you want to do.  Explain with enthusiasm how you would like to accomplish a goal  and dream killers usually respond with these types of statements:

-Aren’t you to young/old to do that?

-You don’t have enough time for…

-You’ll never be able to…

-It’ll be too hard to…

-You won’t make any money doing…

-Are you really qualified to…?

-You’re not the type to…

-Someone’s already tried that and they failed

"We had the same doomsday people when we were building the MGM Grand, same people, same doomsday. You have to ask a lot of questions and listen to people, but eventually, you have to go by your own instincts."
-Kirk Kerkorian

Misery Loves Misery, Success Loves Success

 
There are a million other reasons that Dream Killers will feed you to prevent you from accomplishing your dream.  The question now is why do they do it?  One of the main reasons why Dream Killers present the worse possible outcome for your dreams is because of how unsatisfied they are with what they have accomplished.

The story that comes to mind is the crab in the bucket example.  If you were to catch one crab, you should always place a lid over the bucket because the crab would reach and claw its way out.  But if you place two crabs in the bucket there is no need for a lid.  The reason is if one of the crab tries to climb out, the other crab will use its claws to pull that crab back in the bucket.

Think about that.  Do have someone around you that uses their words to pull you back into the bucket?  Those people who use excuses and do not take responsibility for their own success will keep people around them who think the same.  Successful people like to have more successful people around to help themselves grow and so that they can help others grow.

I’ve met many highly successful people throughout the years and have many that I call friends.  The one consistent trait that I’ve witnessed in all of them is their willingness to encourage those who also want to succeed.  I am drawn to these people because I get information, motivation, and insight about the dream I have.  I have accomplished many things with my public speaking and have found myself encouraging and helping those who try to accomplish what I have already accomplished.  It’s like a reflex!  This explains why some of the richest and most influential people in history have been some the biggest philanthropists.

Now that you understand who they are and why they are, you are probably wondering how to deal with them.  There are many ways to handle negative people.  But the way you handle them is crucial especially if that person is someone that you see everyday such as a boss or spouse.  It is equally important not to necessarily try to change them, but influence them into a more positive mindset.

Show them you are serious-Gather information, materials, skills, and anything else that you need to accomplish your goal.  Take action towards your goal! For example, if you desire to go back to school to learn something new, get class schedules, course outlines, school materials and other tools that you need to succeed.  Make sure that you mention to the person the steps you are taking in the direction of your goal.

Speak 3 good things for every  1 bad-In order for them to understand that your dream or goal will happen, they must be overwhelmed by your positive attitude.  John C. Maxwell the writer of “The Difference Maker” believes that the difference between highly successful people and average people is in their infectious positive attitude.  If you want to influence someone to have the right attitude then you must first possess that attitude.  When someone has a negative comment I like to add three positive statements.  I usually make those statements in a row so that the person has a harder time creating a ploy that is valid enough to contend with three positive statements.

Share what you learn-Negative people usually hover around the same negative topics and stories.  This is why you should begin to introduce them to new, positive topics and stories.  Read articles, books, and stories about successful people of all types.  Share with them what you have learned.  Every now and then, send them an email with a link to a website that has the same positive material.

Know the difference between suggestions and criticism-You have the option to take any advice you see fit.  People will offer you their take on your situation.  Be mindful of what advice you choose to follow.  Gather a collection of opinions before you make a decision but make the decision yourself.  Do not allow anyone to dictate their thoughts and wishes into your life.

Find positive people-Begin to integrate positive people into your life.  Once you begin to associate positive and successful people into your weekly routine, it will be easier for you to decipher the Dream Killers from the well-wishers.  Successful people have an entirely different mindset than other people.  Once you understand their way of thinking and begin to think in the same way, your mind will have no tolerance for negative thoughts.

I have stop watching the news in the past few years.  The reason I stopped watching is because I realized that after I finished watching the news, I didn’t feel good.  It wasn’t until I noticed that I just finished watching an hour of robberies, house firers, and every single bad thing that happened in my city, that I understood that witnessing all of that through my TV changed my perception.  There is so much power behind the act of surrounding yourself with positive images and people.  You begin to take on an entirely different mindset that enables you to feel like you can conquer any challenge.  Begin to influence yourself with motivational people and materials and you will begin to feel the same way.