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If Only....If Only....
by Elsabe Smit
Why is it that getting away from our unhappiness is far more
important than being happy with what we have? Why do we spend so much
effort on wishing for what we do not have?
It is because we do not understand Universal Law of balance and gratitude.
Let me give you some examples that you would probably associate with.
"If I could win the lottery, I will never be unhappy about money again.
I would have enough money for the rest of my life and I would make all
my dreams come true."
Er . . . no. You would still not understand the concept of abundance.
You would still not believe that money is your friend. You would still
not have the discipline that is required to manage your money. You
would still believe that you do not deserve abundance. And you would
not understand how and why millions flow through your fingers and you
end up with nothing. You say yes, but you are different from hundreds
of lottery winners that have had this experience? Wake up.
"If I could change my job and do something I love, I would be much
happier. I would use my skills and talents and show the world what I am
capable of." |
Then explain to me why you have not taken this step
years ago. Why are you still in a job that you dislike, that smothers
your soul? Why do you get up in the morning and go to work and come
home every evening having done the same job that you have disliked for
years? Why do you occasionally dream about your ideal job, the
well-paying one that satisfies your needs, and that makes your heart
sing? If you still have this wish, I have news for you. It ain't gonna
happen as long as it remains a wish.
"If only I could move to another place now that my relationship has
broken up, I would be much happier. I would no longer see the familiar
places and faces and feel the familiar pain. Everything would be all
right"
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Yes,
except that you would see the characteristics of your ex-partner in
your new acquaintances and feel the pain all over again. The lonely
moments will not be less in a new place. There will probably be more
lonely moments, because you will have left your friends behind as well.
A change is only as good as a holiday when the change happens for the
right reasons.
"If only so and so would make an effort to contact me first, then my
hurt about our lost friendship or family bond will go away. I do not
understand why they have ignored me for years, even though I think of
them every day."
Yes, and when they contact you, they will probably get a barrage of
pent-up resentment and hurt from you, and that will drive them away
again. And you will feel even more the victim.
So, if avoiding these issues and feelings is not an option, is the
alternative to wallow in them? If you want to define yourself as such a
tragic prima donna, yes.
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Alternatively you can
choose to work through these feelings and issues, get a different
perspective on them, and feel gratitude for every one of the
experiences and the people involved. When you reach the point where you
can truly feel gratitude for them, somehow they will lose their bite.
And when you look up again, you will see that the change you have
wanted for years is miraculously happening.
You might still not
understand that the change is because of your work on understanding
your experiences and seeing the balance in your life. You might still
struggle with believing that your anger, fear, resentment and
misconceptions have been holding you back, but at least you will know
that you feel much calmer and at peace about your experiences.
As long as you hold on
to these experiences and issues, any change you make in your life will
be fruitless, because you will make the change with so much emotional
baggage holding you down that you will probably become ill, simply
because your body will not be able to bear the additional strain of
carrying the old baggage as well as coping with the changes.
Could this be why so
many people emigrate to a different country and then return later,
feeling even more disillusioned than when they left? Could this be why
people move from one destructive relationship to the next? Could this
be the reason for people never having enough money, even when their
income increases?
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How do you work through these experiences? I can recommend different ways of getting rid of your baggage.
If you can afford to attend one of Dr John Demartini's Breakthrough Experience weekends, it is worth everything you spend on it.
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You
have to keep this a secret - do not tell anyone that you are doing
morning pages. The reason is that when you tell others, they will want
to know what you write about, and that is very personal and not to be
shared.
You have to write no less than three pages, because you want to deal
with your issues and move on to the life you have always wanted for
yourself.
You have to write no more than three pages, because you will be wide awake by then and the censor will step in and spoil it all.
And the most important rule: for the first two months you DO NOT read
what you have written. What is important is the fact that you have
written down what is in your mind. If you start reading any sooner what
you have written, you will spoil the whole experience and not benefit
from it at all.
After two months you can read your morning pages - or not read it. You
can keep them or burn them or do whatever you want with them. By then
you will understand how powerful this exercise is, and you will see the
massive change in your life.
So stop saying "if only" and do something to change your destiny. If
you do not write the story of your life, someone else will, and you
might not like the script.
Elsabe Smit is the author of Tapestry of Life and the blog Spiritual">www.mypurpleblog.com">Spiritual interpretations of everyday life
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