Giving criticism can be as difficult as taking criticism. If your intentions are good but the delivery is not, your message will not be well received. When that happens, the person will not have the opportunity to improve. Instead, the feedback may be seen as an attack. That is why understanding how to give criticism in a constructive way is so important.
Magic of Feedback
Getting feedback is a valuable tool for self improvement. Sometimes it is hard to hear that you are not perfect but the truth is, you’re not. When I was a child, I couldn’t stand to hear that I was doing something incorrectly. Now, I constantly ask for feedback because I realize that it really does help me improve myself.
If you are going to try to do anything worthwhile in life, you will be criticized. Even if you choose not to do anything worthwhile, you may still be a target of criticism. People who are unable to handle feedback well are unlikely to reach their full potential. They miss out on the experiences and insights of others. Learning how to take criticism constructively is big step towards improving your performance and effectiveness in all areas of your life.
I have decided to collect as much information on this topic as possible and I’ve separated them so that you will have a situation followed by how to give and take constructive criticism in that situation,
For the Friend-How to address an issue with a friend without losing them.
For the Blogger-For all of you bloggers out there, this will help you to handle negative feedback.
For the Artist/Performer-This is for artist, musicians, speakers, and anyone else who presents their craft to an audience.
For the Employee-If you would like to know how to talk to a fellow employee or boss about their habits or actions, this section is for you.
For the Employer-Being in charge means that you will have to give criticism and sometimes it means that you need to take some too.
For the Romantic Relationship-Giving feedback the wrong way in this situation could lead to a major argument. Learn how to dish it and take it in this section.
For the Friend
Friends are supposed to be able to talk to each other open and honestly. But giving criticism the wrong way may offend a very important person in your life. Saying “no offense” before or after a harsh criticism won’t make it any less painful. Here are some ways to give and take constructive criticism without ruining a friendship.
How to Give
- Have their best interest in mind-Keep in mind that you are trying to improve the life of your friend. It is best to take your personal feelings out of the equation. Do everything that you can to ensure that the person is benefiting from you critique. Think about how you would like to be approached in the same situation.
- Focus on the action not the person-Your friend may be doing something that can be damaging to their life or future. That doesn’t necessarily make them a terrible person. When you critique a friend, focus on the action that needs to be addressed instead of the person’s nature.
- Be Cool-Stay calm and collected while delivering your criticism. Keep your emotions in line so that you do not stir up negative emotions in the other person. This will also help you avoid tempers from being flared.
How to Take
- Ask clarifying questions-Ask questions to clarify exactly what is being said. To make sure that you fully understand what is being said, ask the critique to be specific. Doing this will enable an open dialog between you and the critic.
- Thank your critic-Thank your critic not only for their critique, but for their friendship. It may be hard to thank someone who has just criticized you, but take the time to genuinely thank the person for taking the time to talk with you. Remember, your friends want the best for you; show them that you appreciate their thoughtfulness.
- Be Cool-This is not a typo. Both sides should be calm and cool when having this type of conversation. As long as both sides keep their cool, everything will work itself out.
For the Blogger
As a writer, it is a very satisfying feeling to know that your work is appreciated by those who took the time to read it. If you are a blogger, you know how good it feels to get a comment or email from someone telling you how much they liked your post and how much it has helped them. It is encouraging and fulfilling to know that you are making a difference in the lives of others by sharing your knowledge and experiences.
As a blogger, you are open to criticism by comment section, email, or social bookmarking. I have been privileged enough of having some of my post reach the “most popular list” on Stumbleupon and Delicious. There was one post in particular that did very well on Stumbleupon. It did so well that I decided to visit the Stumbleupon comment page for that post. It was good to see the variety of people from all over the world leaving good and positive comments.
I felt my euphoric bubble bust when I got to the third page of comments. Apparently, one SU user didn’t like the post and felt the world should know about it. My first reactions was, “Man, I spent days writing that article.” Then I began to put things in perspective and I did not allow one negative comment ruin the other 2 dozen that were positive.
Since bloggers tend to create communities, it is also best to know how to critique your fellow blogger without offending them.
How to Give
- Positive Language-The way a critique is worded can make a world of difference. Instead of saying “I don’t like..” or “I hate it when.. ” use positive language such as “One thing that would make this blog even better is..” or “I would love to see..”.
- Send an Email -If you are truly trying to suggest some changes that could be made to the blog or the content, sending an email may be better received by the blogger. It is a more personal approach and it appears less like you are shouting your disapproval to the world. Most blog comments are moderated anyway so if you do choose to vocalize your issues with the blog, post, or blogger, in a negative way, it is easy for the moderator to delete the comment or ban the user.
How to Take
- Get a Second Opinion- The tendency we may have when getting a negative comment is to think that it represents the majority. People tend to be more vocal when they dislike something. The truth is that the majority of readers that like your content will not comment.
If you are truly bothered about the negative comments about a particular post, ask your readers about it. If the post was truly offensive or of poor quality, your regular readers will tell you. Once you get a collection of opinions, you can get a better feel for how your visitors really felt about the post. More times than not, you will find that the comment was not valid and should not be taken seriously. Getting a second, third and fourth opinion is a great way to get a feel of how you are being perceived by your visitors. I love the quote by Pastor Chuck Swindoll,
“If a man calls you an ass, ignore him. If another man calls you an ass, it’s time to get a saddle.”
- Allow honesty but not negativity-I have not had an issue with negative comments on my site. Some bloggers feel as though they should post every comment that is submitted to their blog. I feel as though a blog is a person’s online home, microphone, and journal. The blogger is not obligated to allow negativity on their blog.
However, it is beneficial to allow honest feedback. I have no problem with a visitor disagreeing with something that I wrote. Allowing your readers to be honest with you can strengthen the bond between writer and reader. We bloggers also want our readers to feel as though they are not going to be censored and can have an open discussion with us and other readers.
For the Artist/ Performer
For artist and performers, criticism can be extremely personally. Artist and performers see their work as a reflection of themselves. To criticize a piece of art work, a song, or a performance that is subpar can sometimes be taken as a personal attack. This will help you deliver bad new gently to an artist or performer.
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